Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
