Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
