there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
