i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Randomize
