well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Randomize
