The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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