hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
