oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
