1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
