I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
