she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Randomize
