He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
