Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
