Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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