i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
