We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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