Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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