My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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