The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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