When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
