I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
