just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
