have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
