so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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