if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Pappa wants mamma naked
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
