ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Holy sore nipples Batman
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
