some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I lost the right to judge tonight
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
