i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
