i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
