I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
