I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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