Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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