I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Randomize
