I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
