Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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