I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
