Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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