Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
