Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
