2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
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YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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