I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Threesome in a minivan. New low
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
