I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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