guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
