I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
