Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
We have so much sex to catch up on
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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