Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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