I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
