Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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