I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
