the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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