I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
