sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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