We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
