Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
