this beer tastes like vomit already
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
