just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
