I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I showed him my bush... on skype.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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