I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
