i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
