i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
