ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
