last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
