wrigley field is MILF paradise
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize