hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
