Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
