If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
