you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
