I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
