Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize