if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Randomize
