AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
