I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
