carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
