I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize