I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
