Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
