Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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